Sung to the classic tune, "Hello, Muddah, Hello Fadduh"
(Camp Granada) by Allan Sherman

Hello Muddah, Hello Fadduh
Here I am at Antiques Granada
Called the Roadshow, the one you know
Helping Chubb's and PBS to fiscally grow.

Got here early, Round 4:30
Hauled a table thought was worthy
All to get me on the TV
Toward my goal of being a bigwig celebrity.

Row is numbered, I'm 940
Here there ain't no Pot-a-Porty
There's a thousand queued behind me
And this lady's bronze keeps jabbing in my hinny.

Line is moving like molasses
Glad I brought my opera glasses.
"It's a winner!" they keep saying
And they'll say that 'bout my treasure I keep praying.

Who needs Regis, what's a millionaire?
Compared to an antiques billionaire?
Grundy surface gives one muscle
That and provenance 'cording to host he's Chris Jussel.

Chippendale and Tiffany
Revere Silver that's for me!
Coins and Wedgwood make years finer
Like golden nuggets to a Frisco 49er.

With the twins now Leigh and Leslie
They're my hero's like Elvis Presley
"It's a repro!" what do they know?
I sure hate this cockamamie Antiques Roadshow!