You may also enjoy reading: |
|
A few weeks ago, I published an article entitled, "How to Lose Your Antique Lover in 10 Days" based on the similarly titled movie starring Kate Hudson and Mathew McConaughey. The premise of the column was, if you want to be absolutely positively sure of exorcising of your antique loving mate in only 10 days: surprise him by stripping that ugly old surface off his antique furniture while he's away on a trip. Or, flick the remote next time she's watching the
"Antique Roadshow" or "Shabby Chic" in favor of your favorite sports program like "ESPN Classics."
Just as one can lose a lover by being inept in the world of antique and artistic appreciation, conversely, so too can one gain favor with the opposite sex by developing well rounded interests strong in history and aesthetics.
Surprisingly, this sure-fire modus operandi has yet to be pointed out in life-enrichment television programs and men's and woman's magazines devoted to the single life or making married life more affectionate. Think about it. Ego driven publications like Men's Health focus on "Exercise Programs for Making Rock Hard Abs" or "Pick Up Lines That Pick Up Women Every Time." Get real! Any guy who saw "Rocky" and went
to high school knows how to do sit-ups and say "If I told ya you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?" That's no product point of difference. In fact, to a discerning woman, it's a sure fire indication that you are a plausible candidate for the Couch Potato Club or the occupancy-gorged, "I Wanna be Like Me," Self-Indulgence Club, "Grab me a Perrier after you get done honing those thighs, OK honey?"
How about woman's magazines? Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Marie Claire and similar magazine rack glossies: what kinds of advice do they offer on their front-page headlines week after week when it comes to getting a man? That you assume the real life role of the Barbie Doll you played with as a kid: "Ten Sexual Bliss Secrets That Will Make Him Want You Forever." Guess what, Cosmo? Real men happen to like nice wholesome girl
-next-door women. Just as real woman are starved for that polite well-rounded man who isn't afraid to expand on his framework of interests and passions-especially when it comes to the arts. With that in mind, Antique Talk presents, How to Win an Antique Lover in Only 10 Days.
- Do Mind Push-Ups: Instead of just working on those rock hard abs, work on your intellect: Read Shakespeare, watch educational television, do crossword puzzles,
take a course in poetry or painting or art appreciation. A mind really is a terrible thing to waste. PS: Watching Oprah or Dr. Phil and reading the baseball box scores every morning doesn't count.
- Attend Antique Shows and Auctions: It's a cheap night or weekend afternoon out. You'll pick up an occasional bargain and most importantly, those new experiences will provide you with something to talk about over the breakfast and dinner table besides day-to-day tribulations.
- Learn About Architecture: Ever go weathervane watching while driving the back roads in the (no back roads in the city really??) country? Ever walk a graveyard? Ever really look at an old schoolhouse or a
- church nestled in a city and ask yourself what inspired its construction and in what period it was erected? Buildings, bridges and old advertising and decorating artifacts speak. You just have to listen.
-
Seek Out Nature: What does that have to do with art and antiques? Everything. God speaks too. Go visit his ever-changing masterpieces.
- Visit Museums: Ever been to the Wadsworth Antheneum in Hartford, or the Mattatuck Museum in Waterbury or the Shelburne Museum in Vermont? Come autumn, Shelburne has the snappiest, tartest apples in the world. Take your girl or guy and find that out for yourself.
-
Wear Old or Period Styled Garments: A bolo, a paisley shawl, lace, white gloves, a Panama hat, early Native American turquoise, Art Nouveau jewelry, a Zoot suit … Don't you love dressing up for a Halloween party? Dressing back in time takes confidence. That's sexy.
- Read the Classics: Consider this first line from Herman Melville's "The Whale" or "Moby Dick" first published in 1851: "Call me Ishmael. Some years ago -- never
mind how long precisely -- having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world." Some old things never grow old.
- Collect: Be it old post cards, period furnishings, art, old comic books, folk art or just plain fun stuff. An ever-growing antique collection can be a hobby, a decorating accentuation, an investment, and most importantly-an igniter of sparkling conversation.
- Engage in Old-time Customs: Cook eggs in a Griswold cast iron skillet, knit, sign your name with an ink-dipped quill pen, join a Civil War reenactment club, turn off the TV, spend an evening lit only by fluid lamps or candles, open the car door for your wife, encourage your students or children to wrought a needlework sampler, make a dovetailed pipe box and give it to your girlfriend for her birthday.
-
Encourage Artists. Antiques are those objects, and sometimes customs, that made a difference in their own respective time. Take advantage of those theatres, symphonies, art shows and readings taking place in your neighborhood or travels today. A grasp of yesterday's works will make such pleasures all the more entertaining, for you will have perspective as a foundation.
Sometimes, with the pressures placed upon us to keep up with today and plan for
tomorrow, we forget yesterday. Do your push-ups, wear those push-up bras, have that surgery, buy those hip new CD's and build up those portfolios. Remember though; fancy cars, skimpy clothes and the newest make-up really won't change you.
To truly impress your lover, work on enhancing your knowledge of history, art and culture. Do it together. Then engage in stimulating conversations and activities. Seasoning really is what makes for great taste!
Copyright © 1995 - 2006 Wayne Mattox