TOP TWENTY LIST - WHY DAVID LETTERMAN DOESN'T LIKE ANTIQUES

dave1 20. Because Paul Shaffer thinks antiques are "yechy."

19. Every Thanksgiving, Dave doesn't know if the creaking sound is coming from his knees or aunt Zelda's wing chair.18. The false drawers on two-drawer blanket chests are sneaky and a cause of embarrassment.

17. Being a famous celebrity, Dave can afford new, unused objects.

16. Kmart and Bob's Furniture don't stock antiques.

15. Chip and Dale are his least favorite cartoon characters and he can't understand why they named a furniture period after them.

14. His 18th century William Will pewter coffee pot melted when Dave turned the burner on high.

13. The "Made in Japan" label keeps falling off the $18,000 oriental rug he purchased at a firehouse auction run by likable Persian's from New York.

12. Flea markets really do have fleas.

11. The best tag sales always have the least parking.

10. The $1,000,000 "Declaration of Independence" document found hidden in the backing of an old framed print was purchased for $5 at a Greenwich tag hosted by a unnamed TV personality.

9. Vanilla cookies taken from old cookie jars sometimes taste like chocolate.

8. Oprah always outbids him.

7. Cable TV's "The Furniture Guys" are dating Dave's sister.

6. In refinishing a rare Duncan Phyfe card table, Dave proved it is possible to sand through veneer.

5. Tiffany lamps and indoor baseball don't mix.

4. Dave has reoccuring nighmares concerning the baseball card he close-pinned to his bicycle spokes. Who was Mickey Mantle in 1952 anyway?

3. Conan O'Brian always outbids him.

2. David Letterman character doll's are now collected as antiques.

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON DAVID LETTERMAN DOESN'T LIKE ANTIQUES...

1. Phony Shirley Temple mugs.